Growing up, I always thought that getting to 18 would be the biggest turning point of my life. I’d be able to go to school, move out and live in a dorm somewhere, then I would study and get my degrees and build up a career for myself. Somewhere along the way, find the love of my life and then we would have a fruitful and budding relationship and everything is tied up nice and tight with a pretty little bow and everything ends with a happily ever after.
It’s only after I passed 18 that I realized how far from the truth that was. While I’m sure that there are people out there living that dream happily-ever-after tale, it’s few and far in between. Instead of that fairy tale life, we get to learn about the harsh realities of simply living. We have to experience firsthand that it really isn’t that easy to prosper and to grow into whatever our dream tale is. One of the harder things that I realized growing up was the reality of relationships and social circles including the fact that it’s hard to keep and maintain friendships.
Wow, big surprise right?
But as obvious as it is, it’s really only after I became an ‘adult’ that I realized how hard it is to keep the people I care about close to me. Before we always had something in common that kept us close, for most people that would be school, it’s hard to lose touch with someone you have a class with everyday. Other examples would be coworkers, or people you play games with or maybe you’re an athlete and you have your teammates, etc. By seeing each other so often, you become closer and begin thinking that these people will be the ones you’re closely attached to for the rest of your life.
But then you graduate, or you move, or you get a new job, or you lose the free time you used to have for whatever hobby you guys bonded over. What then? How do you keep in touch with these relationships? You promise each other that you’ll keep in touch or that you’ll call or that you’ll continue to meet up every week, but then those weekly meet ups turn to monthly, to every other month, to once or twice a year, until eventually you suddenly remember about the other person and realize it’s been a while since you’ve thought about them, let alone reach out.
It hurts more when you’re on the other side. When you constantly try to reach out just to hear voicemails or see that you’ve been left on read. You continue to try and schedule a meet up, you start reorganizing your whole life around just so you can try and accommodate their schedule as best you can and you finally, finally, get a hold of them and schedule something. You get so excited and start looking forward to seeing who you thought would be your best friend for the rest of your life and you get ready and hyped up. All of that just for you to show up and get a text five minutes before the meeting time saying they won’t be able to make it. Then you sit there, alone. You start getting ready to drive home and you try to pick a playlist to drive home to but nothing feels right. Eventually you just give up and start driving home in silence. You start thinking about how excited you were to see them and then realize that, more than likely, they didn’t share those same feelings as you.
It hurts.
The pain doesn’t simply go away after that either. You think about the other people in your life. You realize, “hey it’s okay there’s other people in my life” and you start reaching out more. But just like before, they don’t answer or they’re busy as well. You try your best but you’re tired. You can only do so much. So you stop. You take a break and focus on yourself. You dive into your work or into school or into whatever, and just do you. You feel great, like you’re on top of everything but then time passes. The years go by until eventually it feels like you’re zapped back to reality and you realize for the first time, you’re alone.
So what can you do? You feel like it’s too late to try and reach out again, so you try to make new friends, but that has it’s own challenges. You’re still hurt. Your last batch of friends left you alone, or you left them alone, you don’t know anymore, it’s hard to remember past the hurt. Either way, the trust is gone. Mostly with yourself. It’s hard to trust in someone who abandoned their friends. (Or did they abandon you? again, it’s hard to keep track anymore). So you just ride out the wave of loneliness until you stumble upon someone willing to deal with you. You become so starved for basic human connection you latch on to the first person that you come across and you stay there until you die or until you get hurt again, whichever is more painful .
Is that the life we’re forced to live? Maybe. I don’t know you, maybe you’re some rich trust fund kid who does whatever they want because really, who’s going to try and tell you otherwise. Or maybe you’re already going through this. Either way, growing up sucks.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. As easy as it would be to stop reaching out to people, or as painful as it may be to drift apart from others, it doesn’t mean you have to stop. I know it’s painful. Constantly reaching out, getting rejected, losing touch, losing those connections you thought were unbreakable. It definitely seems easier to just give up and live out on your lonesome. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Keeping a relationship is a lot of hard work, especially once you’re out on your own. Having to manage and schedule your own life is hard enough without trying to keep someone else in the loop, but it’s worth it. Living a lonesome life is mentally taxing and emotionally draining. But I’ll be honest, I have a hard time following my own advice. Sometimes I’ll go months of no contact due to my crippling mental health, but I’ve been lucky enough to have people that understand and willing to listen when I finally reappear. It’s those same people that keep me going when times are rough.
None of us have to go through life alone. It’s hard enough as is, we shouldn’t deprive ourselves from the joy that comes from human connections.
If you’re reading this just remember that you are loved, it may not seem like it at times but you are loved. Growing up is hard, but I know that you’ll do great.
’till next time friends.
Lunar Thoughts 