Hey friends,
The beginning of a post is always the hardest part. Trying to unwind the bundle of thoughts and feelings I have into something comprehensible is difficult.
Sometimes, it feels like the only worth my thoughts and feelings have are in the fact that they are tangled, that they don’t make sense. If they made sense, then they wouldn’t be special, they’d just thoughts and feelings, like everyone else. So I ask myself, why should my thoughts and feelings need to be special. Why do I think that I have to stand out in order to be considered equal to others. So as I try to unwind the mess that are my thoughts, the more I doubt their validity.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I question the point of all this.
Why do I try to write, why do I try to be vulnerable.
Is this an attempt to discuss the things I feel unable or incapable of discussing with the people around me or is it simply the selfish whims of someone who overvalues their thoughts and feelings.
Either way, what’s the point?
But maybe the point is that there is no point.
There’s value in doing something that doesn’t have a point. There’s value in persevering, there’s value in dedication, there’s value in trying to simply exist even when it is extremely terrifying. Because that’s what existence is. It’s terrifying to live when there’s just so much out there. So much to worry about. It’s overwhelming.
And yet we continue on.
As hard as it is, as terrifying as it is, we survive. We live, we struggle and we do it all over again the next day. And while it may seem pointless or useless in the moment, we do it again in hope of a better day, of a better life.
And that has value.
I wish I could tell my younger self that it’s okay. That I didn’t have to be perfect at everything. That just being me was okay. I try to tell myself now, and it’s hard sometimes. Somedays I wake up wishing I didn’t but, eventually, I convince myself that it’ll be okay and I make it through another day.
That’s all it is. Making it one day at a time.
’till next time.
Lunar Thoughts 