Hey friends,
Graduation is coming up soon and for many, it’s the end of a long and extremely tiring journey. The endless, sleepless nights of incessant worry. Panic induced fever dreams. Stress, anxiety and so much more, finally over. The college experience comes to an end.
Personally, I don’t know what I feel. On one hand, I’m grateful I can say I graduated and got my degree (first in the family). On the other hand, it feels sort of empty. Not to say I regret my major or anything like that. If anything, it’s only through my college experience that I’ve been able to learn as much as I have, both about the world and about myself.
So in all honesty, I’m not sure why I feel so empty about it. My first thought is that I’m repressing things for some reason. A bad habit I have. So next I wonder, what could I be repressing?
First thing that comes to mind is the animosity I feel inside. Seeing everyone post about their successes and have so many people fawn over them and congratulate them, acknowledging them for their hard work and overall feeling happy about what they’ve accomplished.
It’s an ugly feeling, but I’m jealous. Bitter.
I know deep down that I shouldn’t feel this way. My life is a result of my choices and so is their’s. Though sometimes it really just feels like I was dealt an unlucky hand.
Maybe I’m just sad that the people I thought I would celebrate with aren’t a part of my life anymore. Maybe I’m bitter because my family won’t show me any inkling of emotion when I tell them, “hey I’m graduating”. Maybe I’m jealous but I haven’t been able to experience the college experience to its fullest. Maybe I’m mad at myself for living with so many regrets. So many maybes but not a single answer.
Either way, what’s done is done. I’m graduating.
It’s not a special moment. It’s not like anything is even ending sinceI’ll be going back for my master’s next semester. It’s negative outlook but it’s simply what I feel.
Maybe one day, I’ll be able to look back and appreciate it, but for now, I choose to ignore it.
’till next time.
Lunar Thoughts 