3/1/21

I’ve always had an obsession with writing.

Growing up, I just loved reading. Going through book after book, absorbing all the emotions and wisdom that others were providing. Being able to feel something resonate deep within me and know that someone out there also related to those same emotions. I was obsessed.

I wanted to do the same. To bring out those deep rooted emotions and have it resonate with other people. I wanted to be able to express myself, to create these beautiful and intricate stories that stir the heart and leave you yearning for more.

Never could make it happen.

Turns out, writing is difficult. It requires time and patience and discipline and time and patience and money and support and time and patience and… you get the point.

Self-expression has always been important for me. I have this unnatural obsession with being able to express myself. Yet no matter what avenue I attempt to do so, it never works out.

For the few that kept track of this site, I’m sure you’ve noticed the lack of posts.

I wish I had a good, concrete reason for the sudden break but I don’t. I just stopped.

To be more accurate, I was still writing this whole time, but I couldn’t bring myself to post any of it. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel genuine.

Not to say I was censoring myself or anything. It’s just, everything felt shallow, too plain and surface level. I wanted something more, something concrete that really brought out my thoughts and feelings. But that constant search to dive deep within me and try to bring something out was, simply put, overwhelmingly exhausting.

These past few days I’ve been running on auto-pilot. I don’t know what happened but I just can’t bring myself to exist anymore.

All I know is that I’m reaching a bad breaking point. So I thought I could help mitigate some of that by rambling on here tonight.

I’m not sure if I’m going to try and make a return to the daily posts, probably not, but it was nice to type something out again.

’till next time.