Today, was a challenge.
We had some mental health therapeutic training today, and we had to complete some exercises. The goal was to use these in order to help deescalate high, tense emotions.
First one, name a fear/anxiety that consistantly worries you or heightens your emotional state. Easy, I have a million of those so I just started writing them all down. Then they’re like, okay now name some phrases that help ground you.
I couldn’t write anything haha.
Next one. Draw your safe space. I drew myself, well not really myself, more like a big circle blob thing. Anyways, drew myself in small square thing with squiggles around, and then they called on me to share. Man, did they hurt my feelings.
As you all know I hate myself and apparently our training supervisor knows that too after analyzing my ‘safe space’. So she called me out on that, then mentioned how everyone else drew like actual rooms and stuff and my little square was representative of how restrictive I am with myself, not giving my mind room to breathe or think. The squiggles representative of underlying issues and the like, and the fact that I have them in my ‘safe space’ was somewhat concerning.
Lastly! We did an exercise where we think of good memories. Memories with loved ones, or memories that we can think back on that make us unequivocally happy. I don’t know if it was because of the past exercies or if I’m just this messed up, but I really couldn’t think of anything.
Like, I could think of happy memories. A lot of my memories with friends are good, but, everytime I thought about one I would just think of more negative thoughts.
Oh that was a nice time, too bad we broke up.
Awh, I remember their laugh during this specific time. Too bad everything fell apart.
Wow, that was a realy nice lunch date we had. It’s going to suck when they get to know me better and decide to leave.
I’m sure you get the point.
Anyways.
It just kind of hurt having to revist all the ugly parts of myself. I know they are there, and I’m actively trying to change my minset about myself. I just wasn’t ready to revist all of that without any warning.
I ghosted my therapist for a reason, please stop springing this all up on me.
Anyways. Can’t wait to get some actual sleep, because I am tired.
’till next time.
Lunar Thoughts 