Day Thirty

I’ve officially decided that I’m done with me and my body.

I understand that self acceptance is an important aspect needed towards having a healthy relationship with yourself, but I’ve realized that right now, that’s impossible for me.

No matter how much I try and convince myself that I need to love myself and my body, I just can’t. I have to be honest with myself.

I don’t love myself, my body or anything else about me really.

But I’m not going to wallow in self pity. I’m not just going to sit and cry and wish I was different. If I want to be able to love and accept myself, I need to change into something I am capable of loving.

If I’m being honest, I know that this isn’t the healthiest mindset. I know that I’m walking an extremely dangerous line that can lead into extreme self sabotage.

But I just can’t take it anymore.

I hate seeing myself in the mirror. I hate having to deal with the way I look and present myself. I hate having to pretend that I’m okay with my self-image because I’m not. I’m not okay with it and I don’t have to be okay with it.

I’m going to change. I’m going to learn to love myself, I’m going to become someone that I am capable of loving.

This is my goal, no matter the cost.

Let’s see how I do.